I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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