It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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