I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
