I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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