Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I currently don't understand fingers.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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