i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
