I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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