I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
In America we eat man semen.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
