I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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