Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
