Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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