I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize