i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
