i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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