You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
