i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
