Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
