a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
