you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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