you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
