i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
