Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Randomize
