You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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