he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
