I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
