i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
