So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
