I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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