This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
