I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
