every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
