I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
