Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
