If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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