Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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