literally had 100 drinks last night.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I look better un-naked...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
