No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
