I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
