Tell her she can't have a vagina
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
