We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
