took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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