So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
