I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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