I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
