My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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