Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
