normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
