I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize