is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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