I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
