whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
