Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
