Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
