Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
