her vagine was all disorganized.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
