That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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