we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
