last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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