I puked a lego.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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