Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize
