I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
