I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
