I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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