Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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