Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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