Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just made my gag reflex go away.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
