Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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