Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
