I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
