he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
