I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
