Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
