Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
